my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
