I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
