i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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