apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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