i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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