I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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