i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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