Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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