May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up under a house in Key West
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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