Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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