Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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