Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
