so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
