i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
