guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
false alarm. still invincible.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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