$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
