Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
