Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the condom got lost in my hair
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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