It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
