I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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