i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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