So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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