just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
