Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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