i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize