if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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