how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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