he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
