I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
