So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
