i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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