Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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