How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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