I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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