I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
