the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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