i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
