I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
