Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
