I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
