So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
