i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
