There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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