six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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