I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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