winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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