I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
