If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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