Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
