Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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