i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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