I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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