Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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