What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
