Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
