i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize