ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I need to stop coming to work sober
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
