have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
