How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize