I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
