$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
