U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
