My balls are so social today.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
not ubering you a puppy
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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