o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
