Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
