billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
