Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
