I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
