I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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